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Literature
Ghost of a Past Life II
Arms that come from behind me,
Eskimo kisses with eyes closed,
Playful banter in our PJs,
Softer kisses to my nose.
Laying beside you just barely,
Arms longing to hold,
Biting my lip a little harder,
Because even now I'm cold.
Seeing you in the morning light,
Waving goodbye as you leave,
Turning away at my door,
And trying so hard not to grieve.
Suddenly, the world is pushed back
And everywhere I look is the past.
My mind reels and I take a deep breath,
I close my eyes to let my mind rest.
But ghosts of the past
Keep haunting my future.
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Literature
Ghost of a Past Life I
I drive down the street,
Past our little side eat,
Look for a moment to see
A glimpse of another life.
I keep driving.
I drive down your street,
Past your little living,
Take a long time breathing
And continue ahead.
I'll find another shortcut.
I drive down the street,
Past dozens of cars,
Strangers to me
Except for the black truck to my left.
I look forward.
I walk down the street,
Knowing I won't run into you
Or anything from our past life
Because there's nothing here now.
I'm somewhere else.
Everywhere I look,
Everyone I see,
Everything I feel,
Makes me think of you.
Only your ghost remains.
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Literature
Purpose
What is yours?
What is mine?
What is a purpose?
You think yours is lost,
I can't remember mine,
Our purpose is a miss.
Come back to me,
I'll find it with you.
We'll have a purpose again,
Someday.
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Literature
The Future
People talk about the future,
Trap us in something we don't
Know (no?)
You don't want to be held down.
You need to live, love,
Grow (go?)
In the darkness,
Your admission and underlying fear,
They make me wonder,
They make me think,
Clogs in a clock, forever turning.
A future.
Once upon a time,
You and I could have had one together.
Now, you and her,
And yet, you're unsure
of that future.
(you don't want it.)
And me?
Would you come back to me?
Could we make it right this time?
(Maybe?)
The future is not set in stone.
Your fears, my wonders,
They could exist
Or not,
But we won't know
Until they happen.
Until the future comes.
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Literature
First Kiss
One.
Rushing through the school crowds,
Seeing you search for your bus,
We meet for a frantic moment,
A brush of our lips,
Just barely.
Our first kiss.
Two.
A date, unbeknownst to me,
On a nice December day,
We sit in the grass,
Watch the sunset,
And your lips seal over mine
For a moment longer.
Our first kiss.
Three.
"Come with me to the beach?" I ask,
Flirting more than I thought.
You oblige, come along.
Sunshine suits your eyes,
Lost and surprised,
Yet you play the game
I've never heard of.
Eyes sparkle as we lean forward
And the shade of umbrellas give off
The sweetest meeting of lips.
Our first kiss.
Four.
A confession, if I may.
Some tears that come from nerves,
And pauses for deep breaths.
And a whisper for good measure:
"Close your eyes."
Soft, full of kindness and some sorrow,
But still beautiful,
Under the moonlight.
Our first kiss.
And a thousand after,
More,
But never enough,
And never
A first.
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Literature
Sing Me to Sleep
I want to rest.
I am so tired.
I want to lay in your arms, wrapped up warm.
I want to hold you in mine, humming a made up tune as you rest your weary eyes.
Dream with me, lover.
Lay with me, lover.
In the quiet of twilight, when the sun has almost left us, let me look to the sky, laying on your chest. Let your heartbeat sing me to sleep. Let your breath steady as we drift off. Eyes close, we move a little closer, warmer now.
We are in the in-between, not quite asleep but not quite awake, either. We're on autopilot for the moment.
Sleepy, but we exchange quiet kisses, hold a little tighter, mumble incoherent things about the future and people and love.
The quiet is what we wanted all along.
Times have been tough lately. So much stress, not enough sleep, too much crap to deal with right now. But at the present moment, we have peace.
I move closer to you, face against your neck and arms close to my heart. You bury your face in my hair and we move still closer. I don't think we'll ever be
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Literature
Teach Me To Love
You are a closed heart.
A "fixed point", as you like to say.
You like to have a solution
But you quiver when there is not one.
Some things just are
But you don't want to see that.
Not yet, at least.
You apologize,
Sorry for the jumble,
Something you're not used to.
I listen,
Unraveling more and more
of a familiar story.
You say that no experience is the same,
Yet your story rings memories of my past.
Memories, echoes of another time.
You like me
But I am not what you need,
Not strong enough,
Not stable.
But I want to be.
I am more than you think,
An old soul now.
You want to learn how to love?
Let my old soul teach you.
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Literature
Changes
Oh, how the times have changed,
Where innocent flirting
has given way
to less innocent insinuations.
Where once you were a stranger,
and now we are more than two people,
stuttering to make conversation.
Where we used to be around each other so often,
but now I barely see you
and I miss being around you.
Where I was testing waters around you,
wondering if I could trust you,
and knowing now that I can.
Where I told myself that I wouldn't fall for you,
And at some point I realized that
oh, I did fall and hard.
Times have changed for you and I,
and I wonder if the future
will hold good for us.
One can only wait and see,
But changes, however small,
Are inevitable.
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Literature
A Little Bit of Time, for Siri and Ori
A melody rings out, soft, beautiful, gentle. Sirius knows the tune and hums along quietly as Orion's fingers glide across the keys with ease. This tune was their favorite and although Ori barely played it, they knew it was their favorite for a reason.
On rare occasions when the house was quiet and Orion wasn't being lazy or fussy about the piano, he played. He would always play something soft, something delicate yet simple. The simplicity of the pieces he chose were what always put Siri in a trance of sorts. Not that he wasn't always in a trance with Orion. His brother was so picky about the pieces he played on the piano and hardly liked to sit and play anymore. Sirius always said that he just needed a little inspiration.
Still, at least he played every now and again. He'd be out of practice, otherwise. Granted, everyone (even mother) wished he would play more often but they did their best not to bother him too much about. Out of all his siblings, Orion knew that his playing was the be
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Literature
What Has Come Over Me?
What ails my heart,
So fragile, she is,
So delicate and soft,
Glass.
She can be seen through all,
She is open and waiting
for love to fill her up.
What has come over me,
That I wait for a man
With a glass heart like mine,
Wanting to be filled
with love.
Reunion, that will be our gift,
Someday.
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Literature
Stagnation
I sit here, rocking back and forth, side to side, lost and unseeing.
I am not moving, though.
I am still, a puddle untouched, stagnating now, in the same old routine. Change that should have been has slipped through my still fingers, barely rippling the surface of my pond.
I am still again.
I am chasing a shadow, a ghost of a chance that wasn't even there to begin with. On and on, the cycle of repetitive nonsense, the act of going through the motions but not doing anything.
I am being left behind, a blip in the presence of your life. I am unchanging, unmoving, no fun anymore, a discarded toy for a few moments of use.
You are ever-changing, in constant motion, and have no need for rocks to weigh you down. You know not to drink from water untouched.
I am forgotten.
I am no more.
I am a pond, untouched by the rains of change, stagnant and no good now. I can provide nothing of nourishment and only exist to make other sick if they come in contact with me. It is my defense now. They back awa
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Literature
You Let Him Go II
I don't want to.
I don't have to.
But I should.
It's pointless to pine for someone for over a year and be left with nothing.
Why am I doing this to myself?
What's the point?
I'm not good enough for him,
I'll never be what he wants.
I try so hard for nothing.
I give my all for nothing.
What am I doing?
I'll miss him, of course.
I'll miss days spent together.
But I'm running in place,
Moving but going nowhere.
It'll hurt.
It always hurts.
But it's time to end this.
I'm getting nowhere.
Maybe someday,
He'll come back to me
And take me for who I am.
But today is not that day,
And I must close this book.
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Mature content
Rainy Afternoons :iconlolita-musicbox:Lolita-MusicBox 0 0
Literature
On My Own, for Alva
There's always a few moments when I lie in bed and think about him.
I don't know when it happened but now, I'm overcome with emotion whenever I see him. Of course, he doesn't know this. To be honest, I don't think he even knows who I am. It would be more of a shocker if he did. I am no one to him, any yet, he is everything to me.
When I lie here. I think of him with me. Holding me, caressing my cheek, playing with my hair. I pretend that he's beside me. I pretend I have what I want.
I daydream a lot, mostly of him. I always get butterflies whenever I see him in class or in the halls. I've actually only spoken to him twice. Once was when we were in class and had to openly peer edit in pairs. He said my handwriting was nice. That had me glowing for days and it still does make me happy when I think about it. The other time was in the hallway when he asked me what the homework for out class was. I'll never get over the sound of his voice. Rich, smooth,accented just slightly, not too deep.
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Literature
Across The Universe
I would move mountains for you.
I'd move suns and stars and planets for you.
I'd do anything for you.
I'd follow you anywhere.
Across the moon, across the sun,
Across the universe.
Anywhere, just to be with you.
You are my light in the dark,
Illuminating my path,
Guiding me home,
Where you are waiting.
I'll be home soon, love.
I promise.
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Literature
Untitled - 11
I am the wind, breezing by on a rainy day.
I am the earth after a storm,
The rich scent of cleansed souls washed a new by the rain.
I am the desert fires, deadly and enticing,
A desire that fuels the most primal part of man.
I am the seas, resting easy after the storm
but waiting to come alive again at a moment's notice.
I am the Earth, even now,
I am turning and counting my days.
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Activity


Why?
Why would you intentionally make someone hate you? Why would you make anyone want to feel hate? Why? You know how it feels to truly hate someone and you know that it's an awful feeling. So why would you make someone feel that? Do you get anything out of that? Does it make you happy? Why?

Do you read what I write? Yes, I'll admit, I'm contradicting and confusing and I never know what to feel. But I do know that I never wanted to hate you again. I don't like hate. It's vile and awful and toxic and I don't like feeling that way.

To be honest, you and I existed in balance rarely. It's hard to remember the good things when, more often than not, there were bad things. I won't sugarcoat this anymore: YOU were half the reason I was suicidal so often. Your leaving physically hurt me because I didn't want to live in a world without you. I loved you so much, I made you my world, my everything. How could I go on when I had nothing? How could you expect me to just move on? I couldn't. God, I still can't. There's that really thin thread that still attaches me to you that I don't want to break because that means I lose everything that made me who I am. I never wanted this.

Look, I've been painting you into the villain again and that's not right. I know it's not and I still do it. Call me a hypocrite, fine, I know I am. But just because I write out the bad doesn't mean I forgot the good.

I remember every laugh, every beautiful moment, every perfect moment that I had with you. I remember that when we weren't at each other's throats, you were the most loving person with me, always there to listen to me complain about everything. I remember the bus ride back from a football game where you first sang to me, softly in my ear, and how I fell even more in love with you. I remember the day at the lake when I sat beside you, looking over the scene before me and thinking, "this is what the call 'a perfect moment'". I have every single poem, every letter, every code, neatly put away in a folder that I don't dare touch for fear of falling apart for you again. I remember all the good times as well as the bad, even if I don't talk about them much. Don't act like I forgot about them. I can't.

I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of it, exhausted. I just want to leave you knowing that you don't hate me and that I don't hate you. Hell, that's why I'm in therapy; to sort out the mess left behind from our relationship. Face it, mate: you didn't get me fairly when we first started out. You conned another guy out of a relationship with by revealing things to him that weren't meant to happen. That wasn't fair and years later, he's finally forgiven you for it and he hates you.

Our relationship was by no means balanced or perfect because we were kids. Kids who were learning about love, who chose each other to learn from, and who messed up a lot along the way. You can't take every word as a promise. People are flawed and imperfect.

[sigh] we're not perfect. We never were. But as bad as we were, we were also wonderful. I'll admit that: I loved you and you were the dream I didn't know I was asking for until you were there. The moment I laid eyes on you, I felt something different. Tiny, very miniscule but different. I can't say I feel that anymore but also can't say that I can. Lord knows that if you ever asked me to be yours again, we'd start the cycle over. Of course, I'd also lose all my friends and my mum would hate me but I'd be happy with you.

The thing is, you just don't make me happy the way you once did anymore. That isn't to say that you don't make me happy because that week we were being civil to each other, my face lit up when I got a text from you. I was happy talking to you. I just didn't feel the pang of longing in my chest anymore because after so long, I finally moved on. I like someone else and he's a great guy. He's got all your good qualities and he's immensely supportive of me. I'm glad; I sure can pick them.

I don't want to hate you. I don't want to fight. I want to look you in the eye and say "thank you but I'm done. It's been an interesting ride, but no more." I wish we could be friends but we're just not compatible. I guess it happens throughout your life; you can't like everyone and everyone can't like you.

I tell my therapist a lot about you and she made me realize something: people are multifaceted. A person who is good for one person can be toxic for another. That doesn't mean that the person is bad, though. They just aren't right for some people. And you and I aren't right for each other.

I miss you, though. I'm so used to your presence in my life that I can feel that little missing piece. But there are more pieces to this puzzle that can fit in the space. It doesn't have to be you. I can miss you all I want but at the end of the day, I know what choice I have to make. I can't allow you to be in my life again. I'm sorry, but I can't. I hope you understand.
  • Listening to: Call Me Baby - EXO-K (oh the irony)
  • Drinking: water

deviantID

Lolita-MusicBox
Cyndy
Artist | Student | Literature
United States
Favourite genre of music: piano, instrumental, j/k-hip hop/rap, j/k-pop

MP3 player of choice: ipod

Favourite cartoon character: Momiji Sohma from Fruits Basket

Personal Quote: this, too, shall pass.
Interests

Comments


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:iconmicha-vom-wald:
Micha-vom-Wald Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013
Thx for the fav!
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:iconlolita-musicbox:
Lolita-MusicBox Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Student Writer
Anytime!!
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:iconmitazu08:
mitazu08 Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much for the :+fav: on Were you there? I have more in my gallery, so it would be truly appreciated if you make a visit! :aww:

:iconredroseplz:
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:iconlolita-musicbox:
Lolita-MusicBox Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012  Student Writer
oh you are very welcome!! I love it and I'll be sure to check your gallery! :D
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:iconmitazu08:
mitazu08 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
yay..thanks again for the support :iconcocoloveplz:
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:iconlolita-musicbox:
Lolita-MusicBox Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2012  Student Writer
of course!! :D
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:iconsesshomaru9771:
Sesshomaru9771 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Professional Photographer
hey, thanks for the fave! How have you been?
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:iconlolita-musicbox:
Lolita-MusicBox Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Student Writer
you're welcome!! I've been good, busy because of college but I'll get my juices flowing once it's break time. :) How's everything been with you?
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:iconsesshomaru9771:
Sesshomaru9771 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Professional Photographer
pretty good just got a fast net so I can post photo's again. ummmm I am now a volunteer firefighter and might go to Job Corp for Culinary arts ^_^
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:iconlolita-musicbox:
Lolita-MusicBox Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2012  Student Writer
wow, that's amazing! I've very happy for you and I hope you get into Job Corp. :) That sounds like fun. I'm. . . nothing, really. I've just been working on a project for my class which takes up all of my time.
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